Classification Essay

I pound my steering wheel in frustration. There is snow on the roads but not nearly enough to merit going twenty miles under the speed limit. Evidently the car leading the pack of six I’m stuck behind thinks so. The truck behind me doesn’t seem to understand that riding within ten feet of my bumper and swerving back and forth isn’t going to fix the situation. I’m impatient too but there’s nothing any of us are going to do. There simply are three types of drivers, just as there are three colors on a traffic light. Red light drivers are far too cautious and set their own speed limits, usually far below the posted norm. Yellow light drivers also are cautious but drive reasonably within the limits of the law. Green light drivers just go! They seem to feel that the road is their kingdom and that speed limits and other motorists are mere inconveniences.
If I had a dollar for every time someone pulled out in front of me and then went 10 mph below the speed limit I would be a rich man. I don’t think the red light drivers are a vast majority but they stand out most of all because it is so frustrating to drive behind them… especially in the winter. Last week, driving home on route 15 I got behind a car going 35 in a 50mph zone. The roads weren’t icy or dangerous; obviously they were just having a hard time seeing because of the rain. They evidently were not dimming their headlights for oncoming traffic as most red light drivers don’t in inclement weather, because I was the innocent recipient of flashing high beams from oncoming cars irritated at the vehicle in front of me for their lack of courtesy. This seems to be status quo for red light drivers. Using appropriate amounts of caution is commendable but too much can be as or more dangerous than using little at all.
This leads me to the green light driver. There is always a hero who considers themselves invincible on the highway. No matter the road conditions a green light driver refuses to be stuck behind a red light driver and will pass with no regard to anyone’s safety. This results in the slow driver slowing down even more and the speeding driver swerving recklessly in the passing lane, desperate to escape no matter the cost. Another sure sign of a green light driver is the old “high beams in the rearview mirror” trick. I always ask myself as I change to angle of my mirror and continue at my current speed, if the jerk behind me really thinks riding my tail and blinding me with their high beams is really going to make me risk a speeding ticket or and accident. I know eventually the driver (often in a large truck or suv), will race by waving the two fingered salute and fume about me until he gets behind the next yellow light driver.
I consider myself to be a yellow light driver. A few speeding tickets, a couple of fender benders and some close calls have moved me firmly into this category. I tend to travel at about 7 mph above the speed limit, roll through occasional stop signs and push the envelope slightly on slippery roads but for the most part I am by the book. As with most yellow light drivers I seem to be in limbo. I sometimes wish I were still a green light driver but caution and experience win out. In hazardous conditions I sometimes find myself slipping annoyingly close to the red zone, even at my age. I use to drive anywhere in any condition, now I find myself weighing the risks and benefits. It’s kind of boring being a yellow light driver but it sure saves money and frustration, to say nothing about lives.
As we travel the highway of life most of us seem to change driving styles like the traffic light changes colors. Most of us, as I have learned, start out as a green light driver. Excited will the thrill of having a license to drive and we slow down for nothing there’s too much to experience in life to slow down. As we age, we mellow and the light turns yellow. We have learned caution and abandoned recklessness. There is no longer that need to speed and impress. As life’s final destination comes closer, the light turns red. We have no where to go that’s worth hurrying to. Our eyes and reflexes dim with our waning hormones. The quarter ton of metal and plastic surrounding us is no longer an expression of who we are, it’s a means to an end. Movement is painful so we approach all motion with caution. Not everyone follows the same driver progression, but one thing is as certain as taxes... eventually those flashing lights will get us all. Time will come to a screeching halt. Our days on the road will end. Enjoy them while you can, but use enough caution to ensure that you do not prematurely bring the end to yourself or to another.